1. Uhhh these 8 bags of chips and dips are for the ENTIRE WEEK tyvm.
my new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone's having a party-- Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) July 26, 2018
2. Who doin' this.
The Wikipedia page for the Mr. Bean movie was last edited 4 hours ago.-- Paul Rust (@paulrust) July 19, 2018
3. They are immune somehow.
do bugs even take fall damage-- 🌺 m ny 🐝 (@vsshole) July 25, 2018
4. Game over bitches. Oh yeah. And ALSO TAKE MORE CARDS CUZ YOU HAVE TO.
Sex is cool but nothing compares to having a DRAW 4 card as ur last card in UNO-- Antonella212 (Instagram) (@NYorNothing) July 26, 2018
5. It..it should be.
Is it "any 9 things" pic.twitter.com/emWcfsS8Vz-- Dan Hopper (@DanHopp) July 27, 2018
6. We wish you luck on your journey.
I just wanna get hot enough that I can flirtily steal a guy's hat without him filing a police report-- Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) July 26, 2018
7. That dog is SICK OF YOUR SHIT.
There's only one good girl here! 🦁-- Cute Emergency (@CuteEmergency) July 27, 2018
📹: look_its_sadie pic.twitter.com/qENzYhuqHO
8. Good usage.
Used Google today. pic.twitter.com/WI1AHio7HZ-- John Mulaney (@mulaney) July 27, 2018
9. One day it may graduate to inside water.
shout out to the case of spring water sitting in the trunk of your car right now. someday it will make its way in to the house.-- George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) July 26, 2018
10. "aw" "but the tickets for $169 dollars" "hell ya"
cop: u know how fast u were going?-- Elvish Presley (@_ElvishPresley_) July 26, 2018
me: 69 mph?
cop: hell yea u were
cop: ur definitely under arrest though this is a school parking lot
11. My. God. He even takes their expressions.
I saw this news article about Brad Pitt and now I can't stop thinking about it. pic.twitter.com/OytJQD5rli-- Sarah McGonagall (@sarahmcgbeauty) July 26, 2018
12. Please never ask this insanity again.
no i will never let a blog send me chrome notifications are you out of your fucking mind-- jon hendren (@fart) July 26, 2018
13. Not too shabby.
Found my son's book of bad superheroes pic.twitter.com/GqEzDIsytN-- Graham Linehan (@Glinner) September 23, 2017