Wedding season is upon us, and it seems like more and more people are choosing to have small celebrations instead of large overblown parties. But just because you're having an intimate wedding with your close family doesn't mean you have to compromise on looking like the hottest version of yourself. It's 2018 and highly sexual weddings are in, even if your entire guest list is related to your (or soon will be).

In the name of making everyone at your wedding unbelievably horny, I popped into my local David's Bridal to check out the latest trends in nubile nuptials. These looks guarantee that jaws will hit the floor when you hit the aisle!



I decided to wear black underwear to this fitting, which my wedding dress consultant said was a bad idea, but I think was a good idea because I could really get a sense of how see-through the material was. For this dress, the answer was very! What I love about this gown is its gorgeous flowing skirt that creates a romantic silhouette - but doesn't restrict your movement, so you can easily drop it like it's hot at the reception right in front of your aunts and uncles. Make sure your douchey cousin Todd sees you work it because he would always tease you for taking dance classes when you were in middle school. Do a few ass claps in this gown to show him who's lame now!



Sure, there will only be 25 people at your wedding, but why not wow every single one of them with every single detail of your body? So many wedding dresses are flowy and mask your figure - but not this one! The first thing I noticed about this dress when I put it on was how tight it was, and it's probably the first thing your Aunt Kathy will notice about it too. She'll bring it up at every Thanksgiving from now until the end of time - which means you can relive your big day for years to come! If you've got something you want to show off, even if it's just to your judgmental aunt, then this is the dress for you!


Sexy AF Gowns To Wear To Your Intimate Family Wedding

This dress would be perfect if you're having your ceremony in a church, because it somehow feels slutty and modest. Maybe it's because my skin weirdly blended into the cut outs and made them appear less obvious? Who cares! This gown is hot af and will look great when you're standing next to your family's longtime minister and family friend who's known you since you were a toddler. If your future mother-in-law tells you to cover your shoulders in church out of respect, just tell her God should respect how fucking sexy you look in this dress, and then shimmy down that aisle!



Okay, this one was my favorite by far. It's flattering, bridal, and very naughty! Your grandma will be so glad she made the long trip from Florida when she sees you step out in this dress with the completely transparent bodice. If you're worried about being too risque in front of your immediate family, rest easy knowing that this dress comes with nipple covers. Yes, this dress actually came with NIPPLE COVERS.

But I also did a little investigating in the fitting room, and it looks like you can easily remove those if you wanted to customize further - just in case you want everyone to have a VERY clear view of how excited / cold you are for the big day!


Finding the right dress isn't easy. It is a financial and emotional investment, and something you'll treasure for years to come. Your dress should make you feel beautiful, glamorous, and intensely erotic-- even if only your nuclear family will see you in it. So why not give the thottie bride look a go? It might just be the perfect style for your tiny, daytime, family-only celebration. It's your day, after all!