Oh god, it's happened. You sent a message to your friend/crush/boy you've been stalking on Facebook since you added him after a party three years ago. They opened the message, and now it's been a whole day and they haven't replied.
Look, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We've all been there. It's happened to everyone at some point. Maybe they were just nervous. Here are the five stages we've all experienced after that stupid tick comes up at the bottom of the screen.
Maybe they opened it and got distracted and they're coming right back. Maybe they're writing an essay back to you about how much you mean to them, but it's so long they've had to type it out on their phone notes first. Maybe their phone died and they're freaking out just as much as you are, and they've run home to grab a charger. Don't be ridiculous. Nobody leaves their house without a charger anymore. Maybe they've run out of internet. Maybe the whole world has run out of internet. Yep, you're in the denial stage, and it's pretty sad. But then it happens. You see the green dot appear next to their name on Facebook. They're active. You've got no more excuses for them.
How could they actually do this to you? They know you must be going through hell waiting for a reply. Have you wronged them? You think back over all the times you might have upset them. Nothing could have been that bad as to deserve this. It's cruelty. It's neglect. After all you've done for them, they would just throw it all back in your face by reading your lovingly crafted message and not even acknowledging it. And to have the audacity to log back online, parading "active 1m ago" under their name. You don't even want them to message you anymore. You don't want to be friends with them anymore. You can find new and better friends. Ones who will definitely reply. Screw them.
Why can't they just type something, anything? Even just a simple "haha" would be better than this. That stupid tick. You start acting crazy. You send a sticker. This one's a banana peeling its own skin apart and winking. Maybe that'll get them to reply, once they remember how funny you are. No reply. You send a GIF. This one's a puppy rolling over, showing its little fuzzy belly. Come on, you've got to reply to that, right? It's adorable. They don't. Now you've lost your mind. You start sending increasingly dramatic messages, hoping to entice them into replying just to find out what's going on with you. It doesn't work. This whole thing is futile. They've decided they're not friends with you anymore and that's that.
I mean, this step is pretty self-explanatory. You get down to your underwear, climb into bed and chain-watch Friends for 36 hours. You start doubting the point of messaging anyone anymore. People can hurt you like they've hurt you now, and they will do it again. What's the point in having friends anymore, anyway? A friend is just a person you see before you get to watch Friends in your underwear again. You delete messenger. You delete the entire Facebook app. You don't need to put yourself through this torture ever again.
This one is the hardest stage and comes in time. If you get to this stage, frankly you're a saint. Some people are still stuck sending stickers to a boy they messaged in 2015. You begin to think that maybe they're just really busy at the moment and haven't had a chance to reply to you. Maybe they will at some point. But that's up to them, and there's nothing really you can do about that. And even if they don't reply, it wasn't meant to be. You've got people who love you who will definitely reply. Even if that does mean you'll be texting your mum twice as much as usual.