The world sucks dog nuts, we all know it and we all live it. So why not turn your dumb dog-nut-sucking day around and read some of these tweets? They're by funny people too, so if your days are constantly sucking the testicles of a yorkshire terrier perhaps give these people a follow to make everyday a little better.
1. This image is burned into everyone who ever read The Giving Tree
ok Shel we're ready to shoot the photo for your children's book. now just try to appear relaxed, warm and approachable. great, perfect, that's a wrap pic.twitter.com/GhBYKpuj5n-- more bean than man now (@McLeemz) April 25, 2018
2. Stan for politics
Conservatives after Trump tweeted about Kanye pic.twitter.com/RDWmiWbbFk-- 'punished' 1984 reader (@NormsRespecter) April 25, 2018
3. Feeling like shit kind of rocks actually
my favorite thing is waking up naturally in the morning before my alarm goes off and feeling amazing only to accidentally fall back asleep and wake up again, this time feeling like i was hit by a bus-- Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) April 26, 2018
4. A sleepy, lazy, unaware dragon
Dragon energy. pic.twitter.com/kIUT5aVIBx-- Schooley (@Rschooley) April 25, 2018
5. Schools are allowed to have fun too!
If this gets 5 retweets we'll continue to call our football stadium The Swamp pic.twitter.com/BFWCbUJIdo-- FLORIDA (@UF) April 25, 2018
6. Why is he still on air?
Bill Maher: Getting disappointed by a musician's politics is like getting your penis bit off by a snapping turtle at the zoo -- sure he bit it, but why was your dick near it's mouth?-- Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) April 26, 2018
Limo Driver (trying to merge in heavy traffic): Good. Thats -- very funny, sir.
7. Who remembers this part?
I'm glad they included the scene where Thanos' cousin gets him high for the first time at their families' shared lake house. pic.twitter.com/IQfK6MvteY-- Daniel Kibblesmith ☃️ (@kibblesmith) April 25, 2018
tell me your worst ghosting story, because I just remembered the time I texted a guy I'd been seeing for 3 months "how do you feel about bowling" and then never heard from him again-- allison (@allisongeroi) April 25, 2018
9. Actually, agree.
I miss old Kanye pic.twitter.com/7SBAzPFVxl-- Joe McAdam (@joemcadam) April 26, 2018
10. How about everyone CHILLS
everyone thinks it's cool when girls "squirt" (it's just pee btw) but when I piss into my girls pussy? the whole world has a melt down over it, grow up.-- christian (@nopoweradeinusa) January 11, 2018
11. I'd watch it
I'm going to start a sex cult that murders people but also specializes in cooking high art cuisine and we'll have the most popular netflix documentary of all time-- Matt Ingebretson (@mattingebretson) April 25, 2018
12. The classic mint debate: thin or thicc?
you vs the guy she told you not to worry about pic.twitter.com/LP5sphUkqv-- Hanif Abdurraqib (@NifMuhammad) April 26, 2018