You're swimming in the ocean, letting the gentle waves lull you back and forth in the warm summer rays. As your feet skim the ocean floor you feel something hard and bumpy lurking in the sandy depths beneath you. Your heart begins to race.
It's a fucking a crab and it's got a painful vise-like grip on your toe. A jolt of pain runs up your leg. You swim to the safety of the shore, only to realize they also live on land and suddenly you're surrounded by hundreds of crustaceans all wielding their pincers, ready to fight you, fam.
fight me, you little bitch!
Okay, so they probably aren't going to corner you, but crabs are still freaky creatures, what with their beady little eyes and their claws and their lust for blood. While the coconut crab has legs powerful enough to lift 60 pounds (they can snap your fingers and toes in half, literally guys, they can break motherfuckin' bones) the Japanese spider crab can grow to a whopping 12 feet and will haunt your dreams. I like to refer to them as the Slenderman of the sea.
They might be delicious to eat with butter, but crabs are terrifying spawns of satan just scuttling around on the ocean floor just waiting to strike,
1. Dear god!
2. Rare picture of man traveling through space portal with extraterrestrial.
4. Home is where the heart is.
5. This is an illegal amount of crabs.
6. It's like they poured radioactive waste on a daddy long leg spider.
7. This child is most certainly in danger.
8. The king of Tasmanian crabs rules over it's dominion in Hell.
10. It's like watching something from another planet.
11. Did we mention that coconut crabs eat birds? And cats? And each other?