1. Food Orders In The Security Line
Definitely the worst part of air travel is the security line. It's stressful, degrading, and, worst of all, extremely time consuming. Depending on how busy an airport is, you can be standing in line doing nothing for more than half an hour, just waiting for your turn to be x-rayed and yelled at by a TSA agent. If you're like me, you like to do more in the airport than just get herded through a check in line and go immediately onto a plane. It's nice to grab a meal, check out a book you might want to read, or maybe even find some over the counter pharmaceutical to knock you out before your flight. Unfortunately, the line can often blindside and you spend so much time waiting to get through the metal detector that you can't get to the stuff you wanna do on the other side. It's time we change that. Give us an app that lets you use the time that you'd otherwise just be standing there to shop at all the stores in your terminal. They get everything for you to pick up as you go through security and you never have to sacrifice your Cinnabon because the line was longer than anticipated.
2. Express Security Lines Based On What You're Travelling With
While we're talking about security lines, why not talk about ways to speed it up? We did it in grocery stores, so we can sure as shit in the airport........by stealing the way they did it in grocery stores. Check out lines are time consuming for a lot of reasons, but what really slows them down is all the people that come before you. It doesn't seems like taking off your shoes, and emptying your pocket should take all that long but, literally everyone who's ever been in front of me in line has found a way to stretch it out. The airlines can speed up the process by sorting us out by what we're wearing to travel. If you're willing to travel with a single backpack and flip flops like a sane person you can go into the expressline and the process will be streamlined. If you instead feel the need to travel with eight bags, lace up shoes, twelve laptops and and nine belts, you'll have to go in the regular line with the rest of the time sucks.
When you finally DO get on the plane, you're already sick of traveling. The only thing you want to do is to take off, land, then put the whole process behind you for good. Unfortunately, when you sit down, instead of departing, you're subjected to some long, boring, safety demonstration that you've already seen a million times before. I feel like just about everyone tunes this thing out because what's the point of listening? I personally know that if I'm ever in an emergency situation on a plane I'll either figure it out or perish horribly, and a two minute presentation from a flight attendant isn't going to make a difference. We all know that the only reason the airline's even doing it is to cover their asses in case if they ever run into legal trouble. For that reason, we should just cut the charade and do the same thing that Apple does with their updates. When we purchase our tickets, give us a user agreements for us to read that includes all the safety regulations we'd ever need to know. That would be much quicker and easier to ignore than a presentation.
4. Let Us Order Our Drinks When We Purchase Our Tickets
The highlight of the flight is when the drink cart comes around, but the time before it is (not to be dramatic) complete and total agony. I have literally pulled muscles cranking my neck to see if service has started. Furthermore, when it finally does start, the entire plane is 80% more uncomfortable because that narrow ass aisle is not designed for that fatass cart. Don't get me wrong, the free drinks are great, but the system is broken, and there's an easy fix: Just let us order drinks when we buy our tickets. Instead of lugging that stupid ass drink tray around, just make passing out bottles part of preparing the plane. Not only would that mean the passenger wouldn't have to wait for their beverage, but it would mean that the flight attendant's job during the flight it cut in half. Everyone wins.
5. Sleep Sections of the Plane
There are two types of flyers: People who like to do shit, and people who like to pass out. Unfortunately, the former makes it much harder for the latter to do what they want to do. They're always fiddling with lights or touching your arm rest, or turning on one of those little twisty fans that makes an ungodly amount of noise. For that reason, we should separate the planes so that people who want to sleep don't have to put up with that shit. Make half the plane windowless. Turn off all the lights. Make it against the rules for anyone in the sleep section make a noise or shine anything bright in so the half of us who need to be comatose while we travel can finally get some shut eye.
6. Free Wifi That Actually Fucking Works
Actually, you know what? Forget that other stuff I said. This is all I want.