People like to argue about a lot of things these days, and I've never understood why. People still think that most stuff is a matter of opinion, but that simply isn't the case. There are objective answers to every question in the world, and lucky for you guys, I happen to know all of them. I've decided to clue you guys in and put some of the internet's biggest disagreements to rest once and for all. This week, I'll be tackling...
10. How Far I'll Go, Moana
Granted, Moana is still a new movie, so there's no way of knowing for sure where it will eventually stand among the rest of the Disney canon. That said, when you're making an objective list, as I am, you can't grant points for seniority. New or not, "How Far I'll Go" is better than the vast majority of the songs that came before it. The song is a straight up anthem that sounds unlike anything the studio has produced in the past, but still manages to be instantly recognizable as a Disney song. It's the sort of thing that makes me excited for what's coming next.
9. Let It Go, Frozen
You're probably sick of this song by now because it was SO overplayed, but there's a reason for that. Idina Menzel is arguably the most technically skilled vocalist that Disney has ever employed. Compared to her, Elton John is a steaming pile of dog shit, and you can quote me on that. She could probably sing one of Walt Disney's anti-semitic rants and it would sound amazing. The fact that she's instead singing a truly well written makes for something that's undeniable special. Honestly, if there's one knock against, it's that the song is almost too perfect. Menzel crushes the song to such an unfathomable degree that it almost start to feel (no pun intended) a little cold. Though "Let It Go" is impossible not to admire, there just something about it that makes it a little harder to love than the rest of the entries on this list.
8. I'll Make a Man Out of You, Mulan
Sure, the gender politics of this song are a little bit off...and yes, casting Donny Osmond as singing voice of the first non-white Disney prince seems like an unfortunate choice. Honestly, there's a lot to pick apart about the song, but, at the end of the day, it's so good that I'd rather just listen to it. "I'll Make a Man Out of You" rivals the theme from Rocky in terms of the ultimate pump out song. If you can listen to it and not feel inspired, it's undeniable proof that you're broken inside.
7. Colors of the Wind, Pocahontas
You know how I know "Colors of the Wind" is a great song? Because even though Pocahontas as a whole is completely forgettable, I guarantee everyone reading this knows every single lyric of it. Beautiful to listen to and epic in its scope, "Colors of the Wind" transcends the movie that birthed it to earn its place as an undeniable classic. What makes it even better is the fact that the song basically exists as a verbal bitch slap to tell John Smith to shut his ignorant mouth, giving the song a hint of edge that elevates it above most of its peers.
6. Can You Feel The Love Tonight, The Lion King
There's really no wrong choice from The Lion King soundtrack, because all the tracks on there are pretty great. That said, if forced to pick the best one, I gotta go with "Can You Feel The Love Tonight." The song is not only objectively beautiful, but it's also probably the best Disney song to do it to. Sorry, "Under the Sea." What makes the song the films best offering is its ability to stand on its own. Not only does it stand out among Disney songs, but it also stands out in the much more competitive category of all time great love songs, and that's not an easy thing to do.
5. I 2 I, A Goofy Movie
If you're like my editors, odds are that you're....surprised to see this entry on the list. That said, if the choice feels controversial, I honestly don't think it should be. If you mention A Goofy Movie to anybody that's seen it, they will 100% start talking about the film's two musical numbers, paying special attention to this climactic jam. Though I-2-I isn't a traditional song by any means, but that doesn't mean that it isn't one hell of a pop song. This not-so-hidden gem is absolutely adored by anyone who's ever heard it, and for that alone it deserves its place on this list.
4. Do You Want to Build a Snowman, Frozen
I didn't want to include two songs from Frozen on the same list, but facts are facts. Both "Let It Go" and "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" are too good not to include on a list of all time greats, and though it may be controversial, I firmly believe that the latter is FAR superior to the former. What makes "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" so brilliant is just how much it accomplishes in the span of four minutes. By the time it's all over, the seemingly simple ditty has clearly established the relationship of the two main characters, cleanly gotted a decade's worth of exposition out of the way, and emotionally devastated every child in the theatre. The fact, that it does all that and STILL manages to be a fun and catchy song seems almost impossible, but I guess that's just that old Disney magic.
3. Hellfire, The Hunchback of Notredame
Granted, "Hellfire" isn't what you'd call a "banger" but just like the movie that birthed it, it's a classic that never gets its due. Not only is the "Hellfire" sequence one of the most breathtaking pieces of animation ever made, but the song is also magnificent in its own right. Though the lyrics should repugnant, the visceral emotion of the song makes it feel far less black and white than it could have in less skilled hands. Frollo is a monster, but you still feel for him. Combine that thematic complexity with a hauntingly operatic melody, and you've got the greatest villain song ever produced.
2. I Won't Say (I'm In Love), Hercules
Song for song, Hercules has the greatest soundtrack of any Disney movie ever made. You can try to fight me on that, but, like everything else on this list, it is an indisputable fact. The best of the best of this classic collection of songs is without question Megara's ode to denying her feelings. Is it the biggest number that the studio's ever written? No, but I don't think that really matters. It's a near perfect version of what it is, and that's all you can ask for. I've never met anyone who DIDN'T like this song, and frankly, I don't want to. "I Won't Say (I'm In Love)" is the ultimate hidden classic Disney song, and I think it's time it finally got the recognition it deserves.
1. A Whole New World, Aladdin
"A Whole New World" has everything you could possibly want from a Disney song. It's epic, but intimate. It sounds timeless, but still somehow current. Simply put, it is the quintessential Disney song. There can be no doubt.
Those are the objective facts, people. If you disagree with me, you're wrong, but feel free to head to the comments to show me just how wrong you are! While you're there, be sure to let me know if you have another topic you'd like me to settle objectively. It's not easy being right all the time, but it's my cross to bear.