I've seen a lot of great pictures on the internet in my time - particularly when a good chunk of my actual work hours are spent online in spaces where funny pictures are shared regularly. But nothing - NOTHING - has ever brought me so much joy as this image (and the associated caption):
mum has just found a draw full off piss that my 3 year old brother has been pissing in and he blamed the dog HAHA!!! pic.twitter.com/9F0VSDywoa-- phoebe bartlett (@phoebebartlett_) October 24, 2017
Let's walk through this perfect photo, step by step:
1. The Urine
Holy crap - this kid filled up his drawer with a PRETTY GOOD amount of piss before it was discovered by his mother. What was he thinking?! The kid clearly is semi-potty trained, since he's not just pissing in his pants, and understand that urine needs to go INTO something (he's not pissing on the ground either) - and for some reason he chose his drawer.
2. The Drawer
Listen, my guess is he had to go to the bathroom at night and either didn't think he could hold in his urine long enough to make it to the bathroom or was simply being super-lazy about it and figured "Well, the drawer is RIGHT HERE and would save like 15 seconds of travel..." The kid was just being efficient! After all, the drawer clearly isn't being USED for anything - there's no socks or underpants in there, just (mostly) piss.
One does wonder - this is RIGHT NEXT to his bed (at least, I hope that's his bed and not a sibling's), so he must have been SMELLING that urine pretty strongly. Have you ever smelled day old urine that's been sitting in the same place? It does NOT smell good - this kid must have had a hell of a time getting to sleep with that kind of increasingly pungent odor seeping through everything.
Honestly, if not for the odor, he probably could have gotten away with filling up that drawer with WAY WAY more piss.
3. The Juice Pouch In the Piss In the Drawer
I'm pretty sure the only item in the drawer is a juice pouch - which is very funny, because at some point (either after or before the piss started, hard to say) he decided to ALSO use his drawer as a garbage can ON TOP of a de facto toilet. This kid is just maximizing his efficiency all over the place.
4. He's Wearing a Batman Costume and Weeping
The kid messed up, bigtime, and he knows it. He got cocky - this is at least 3-4 separate "bathroom trips", plus a juice pouch. He thought he had figured out the ultimate lifehack (if you can sleep through the smell of stale piss) and that he was as golden as the shower he was raining down on his former sock drawer. But then it all came crashing down - presumably before or after a Halloween event. So there he is, his piss scheme collapsing around him, while dressed as BATMAN - the coolest, most emotionally-repressed superhero - weeping openly as his sibling snaps a picture and posts it to the internet to embarrass him for all time.
5. HE BLAMED IT ON THE DOG
Truly the best part of the picture is something that's not even present in the picture - caught with a drawer filled with urine (and one juice pouch, I cannot stress that aspect enough), this kid tried to blame it ON THE DOG. Let's go through some of the problems with this extremely questionable alibi:
- Dogs don't have opposable thumbs and would have a HARD time getting any drawer open - let alone THE SAME DRAWER MULTIPLE TIMES.
- This drawer clearly USED to have SOMETHING in it other than urine and juice pouches - gotta assume the kid moved out all of his socks or something to a new location, something a dog would have a HARD time accomplishing.
- IS HE CLAIMING THE DOG DROPPED THE JUICE POUCH IN THERE TOO?
Let us never forget this kid - who dared to go for his dream (peeing in a drawer) and paid the ultimate price for it (getting roasted by his sister on the internet).