I know I'm receiving a lot of the blame for the town's high crime rate, and as Chief of Police I will accept some of that criticism. However, I believe an equal amount of blame should fall on the town's teenagers who haven't banded together as Power Rangers to help keep the town safe and orderly.


Angel Grove, the town over from us, has a group of teenage Power Rangers with amazing Dinozords that slay evil monsters almost every week, so nobody can tell me that it isn't possible for our high school students to do something similar. We don't even have monsters here! Our town's Power Rangers would just have to deal with petty crimes, so it'd be relatively easy.


If a fight breaks out at the local bar, the Blue Ranger could show up to keep the peace. If there's a car in front of a fire hydrant, the Red Ranger could make sure it gets towed or make sure nothing catches on fire nearby. If a cat gets stuck in a tree, the Pink Ranger could cut down the tree and then the cat would be easier to get. By not having to send out the actual police for these minor problems, me and my men will be free to tackle the more serious crimes like all of the murders that have been happening and finding out where the town's Mayor has been for over 2 months.


I even had a little conversation with Principal Morris at the high school. He said any student that becomes a Power Ranger would get 10 bonus points in all of their classes and would have first dibs on slices during pizza day. That means you can get the biggest slice, people! Those are some insane perks well worth jumping around in a solid colored spandex outfit during your free time.


Now I wish I could say that the town could provide Zords for any group of teens that wants to answer our call for help, but that simply isn't in the budget. However, we do have five 1994 Chevy Impalas that the kids would be able to use. I'm sure they could even smash them all together to form their own version of the Megazord like the real Power Rangers. It could be called the MegaImpala, but that's just one idea, and ultimately I'd let the teens decide on the name.


C'mon guys, we beat Angel Grove every year at high school football. We can't let them beat us at having a group of teenagers with attitudes that exact vigilante justice. Me and some other members of the police force will be holding Power Ranger auditions next Thursday at the rec center. If you're a teenager that wants to help your community, make the world a safer place, and make sure I don't cancel your prom, please come out and audition. I'm serious, I'll cancel the prom and replace it with a mandatory "Dance with your Parents" night.


Well, it's time for me to get back to looking for the mayor. Third month's a charm.