Benjamin, last week when I let you borrow my kite it was in perfect form. Sturdy enough to stand up to the strongest of winds, yet still lightweight enough to fly in lazier skies. It was a kite that put other kites to shame. Shame they rightfully deserved. It was the wind's best friend and, most importantly, it wasn't burned and in several pieces like it is now.

No, this is not what it looked like when I handed it to you in its special protective kite bag that my wife sewed for it instead of making my son a second shirt. It looked just how it looked when it won the Best Kite in the Colonies trophy not two months ago. Right now it couldn't even win Worst Kite in the Colonies since it's no longer a kite. It's just a tangle of wood, fabric, and my ruined dreams. Also, it smells like lightning.

You know, I only let you borrow my beloved kite because you invented half of the things in this city, and I felt you must be a trustworthy individual. Little did I realize you were a deranged kite murderer hellbent on wrecking the only good thing in my life! Don't tell my wife I said that. You can tell my son. But don't offer him another shirt. He has to earn that.

You used my kite in an experiment? Oh, Mr. Franklin, that makes everything all better then! As long as you learn something, feel free to terrorize my property at will. I'm sure you must be working on a hypothesis of how quickly you can blow up a building, so let me volunteer my house. And I'm sure a bright man like you is wondering if a wagon could somehow float on water if it was filled with all of someone's worldly possessions? Well don't bother using your own wagon or your own things, use mine! Remember, I exist solely for you to learn facts about science. Have you had enough time to study the effects of sarcasm on a hurtful jerk?

Well, too bad. I'm done. My kite used to love sarcasm and I don't feel right mocking others without it flying high above me, smirking in the skies. You know, what I should do is challenge you to a duel to right the wrong you've caused. However, you're an inventor and I'm sure you have some sort of super steam powered gun that shoots poisoned death bullets that can't miss, while I only have an old sword that I mainly use to prop up my kitchen table. I'm not scared, but my wife uses that table a lot.

I think I'm going to take the kite up to its room and reflect on all that has happened. Plus, I need to get there before my son finds out about the news. He's going to try to move into the kite's room, even though he knows full well he has to live in that tool shed to ward off coyotes. Don't tell him there aren't coyotes around here or that coyotes don't care much for tools anyways.

Just promise me this, if your experiment makes a difference in the world, make sure the kite gets most of the credit. Alright? I don't want to read the newspaper one day and see "World Stunned by Benjamin Franklin's Experiment that Involved a Kite-Shaped Object." I want to read "Kite Held By Benjamin Franklin-Shaped Object Solves Science!" That's all I ask.

Oh, yeah, where's that key I let you borrow?