I'm getting married!  Can you believe it?  You all mean so much to me, and I can't imagine a wedding day without you.  Sadly, there can only be so many bridesmaids.  Those choice spots are already filled, and, barring a tragedy or misplaced comment about my future husband's receding hairline, locked in.  But don't dismay, I've figured out a way to get all of you involved!



I know how much you wanted to give a speech at the wedding.  I'm honored, but we all know the maid of honor gets that privilege.  Here's a consolation prize for you.  You get to do the  "Love is patient and kind and 'God if I hear one more dramatic pause I'm gonna crack'" speech!  Anyone under 60 will hate you, but I guarantee that someone's great aunt will be brought to tears.  



Always the artist of the bunch.  I've admired your photography skills for years, even before you started doing weddings professionally.  While you may not be part of the bridal party, what better way to make your mark on the wedding than to take the pictures, for free?  I'll always look back at those pictures and know the person I'm fake-smiling toward is you.  



We all know you're the wild one.  Who else could keep Jordan's drunken Uncle Tommy quiet during the ceremony?   Just use that classic Lauren charm, show a little leg, and promise to sleep with him if he doesn't ruin everything.  But don't worry, he'll be passed out long before you'd have to make good.



You've caught the bouquet at the last four weddings you've been to.  People are starting to talk.  All I ask is that you let the streak end at four and spend the reception time learning to love yourself.  



I wish I could cook like you!  You still owe me that thai curry recipe; don't think I forgot!

Speaking of food, the caterers are short staffed and could really use a hand.  They're just looking for basic knife skills and a willingness to learn.  In exchange, they agreed to throw in a chocolate fountain at no extra cost!  Would you dare to deny me a chocolate fountain on my wedding day?  Wear comfortable shoes.



You are the most thoughtful friend ever.  Remember when you made me that scrapbook for our graduation?  I was thinking about how awesome that was, the other day, when I realized I had no gifts for my bridesmaids!  Anyway, check your Paypal, I sent you glitter and puffy glue money to help you work your magic.  You can use any pictures you find online, and don't skimp on the thoughtfulness.  If there's any money left, feel free to make one for yourself!



The vegan and gluten-free champion of the group.  I'm always amazed at how few things you can eat.  Please do me the honor of staying home.   I know what you're thinking, and it'll be OK.  I'll send someone to pick up your gift.



Ms. Smartypants.  I was so happy for you when your business took off!   I always said, "Mark my words, one day Lizzy will have more money than she'll know what to do with."

Guess I was right!  Now here we are, me with two hundred grand in student loan debt, and you with a fleet of yachts docked somewhere in the Mediterranean.   Anyway, I know you can't make it to the wedding, but we'd love it if you could be there in spirit...by paying for the cocktail hour...get it?  It's only $3000 and given my financial state I'd bet it's tax-deductible.



They always say we look so much alike!  I bet if you were in my dress and wearing my veil Jordan wouldn't be able to tell the difference.  In fact, I bet I'd be halfway to the border before he realized.  There's nothing more sacred than giving your friend a way out. Be my ripcord, Carol!