Every Olympic games, a standout athlete captures the hearts and loins of a nation. They might not be a model, but they have all the sex appeal of America* in corporeal form Whether it be the adorable snow bunny half-pipe champion or the studly short-track speed skater, having a crush on an Olympian is the closest you'll get to wanting to fuck a bald eagle. But like any famous person, having a crush on an Olympian will leave you with a serious case of red, white, and blue balls. Give it a few weeks and you'll go back to crushing on unobtainable movie stars like a normal person.
*This list is written from an American perspective. Don't take it personally.
For a terrible two weeks the Netherlands blazed around the speed skating long track while every other country flailed in their wake. THE FUCKING NETHERLANDS! The land of wooden shoes, flower fields, and legalized hallucinogens made some of the most powerful countries in the world look like 7 year olds slipping around on a frozen pond. They won 21 out of 30 medals for long track speed skating including the team pursuit, AKA the "Human Centi-skate". But now you can forget the Netherlands as a skating powerhouse and remember it as Disney Land for prostitute loving druggys.
Events in the Summer Olympics are pretty easy to grasp. Go from point A to point B before the other people around you, score more points than your opponent, or throw that stick as far as you can. We got it. But the winter games mashed a series of speed, form judging, and tricks together and called it "freestyle." Unable to comprehend how any of this fit together you complemented runs based on how "cool that trick was." With the conclusion of the Olympics you can forsake confusing judged sports for goal, run, or point based ones that make sense to you.
All major networks took the Sochi Olympics as a two week vacation from regularly scheduled programing. Now that the games have come to an end, you can get back to enjoying your favorite weekly shows about a community college study group. You can watch shows with unique, paintball based episodes, shows with former lawyers who discover their humanity, or shows featuring Jim Rash in drag. Either way you can't go wrong with these new episodes. Seriously...watch Community.
When the Olympics happen, the nation joins together and pulls for the country as a whole. It's like the entire country is watching Rocky IV together (only... without that whole we beat Russia thing at the end). After a big win, you'll celebrate with your annoying neighbor, hug your least favorite cousin, and high five your ex's new significant other. But now that citizens aren't winning gold medals anymore you can go back being petty and shitting on the frozen states that America's former heroes are from. Vermont, Utah, and Montana are once again fair game to rip on while you hate everyone around you. Have fun!