The Streety Awards III

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the voting for the third Streety Awards. The Streetys are decided by you, not some overpaid industry "expert" sitting around sipping mochas and lighting Cubans with his intern's hair. Also, the Streetys cover all manner of entertainment while ignoring such awards as "best digital sound editing" and "best use of duct tape on a soap opera set" so you get to the good stuff. Without further ado, here are your nominees for the third 2004 Streety Awards!

Biggest Lips.
1. Angelina Jolie
2. Hillary Duff
3. Jenna Jameson (of the pubic variety)
4. That guy from "Forest Gump"

Preferred Brand of Bottled Water
1. Poland Springs
2. Deer Park
3. Fiji
4. Ol' Sammy's Bottled Cure-all Tonic

Favorite Cigarette
1. Parliament Light
2. Marlboro Light
3. Newport
4. Camel Light

Favorite British Soccer (football) Team
1. Manchester United
2. Liverpool
3. London Arsenal
4. West Ham. United

Fattest Celebrity to still be called "Sexy"
1. Kirsty Alley
2. Oprah
3. Bridgette Neilson
4. Meatloaf

Medical Affliction That Will Most Likely Affect you In 20 Years
1. Baldness
2. Menopause
3. Irritable Bowel Syndrome
4. Advanced Pickling of the Liver

Singer Most Likely to get Knocked Up
1. Britney Spears
2. XXXTina (Christina) Aguleira
3. Clay Aiken
4. Pink

Greatest Man in America
1. Jon Stewart
2. George W. Bush
3. John Kerry
4. Me

How Much Did You Drink This Weekend
1. Dude" I don't even know
2. I like vodka
3. 47
4. Enough to screw that ugly guy/girl on my floor

What's That Smell?
1. Your feet
2. The Indian kid in 305
3. What?…It wasn't me.
4. My body detoxifying itself

Best Real World Cast
1. Philadelphia
2. San Francisco
3. Las Vegas
4. Des Moines

Most Unattractive Piece of Clothing
1. Tighty Whiteys
2. Granny Panties
3. Stirrup Pants (the kind that the fat girls wore in 3rd grade)
4. Ug Boots

How Much Do You Hate Britney Spears' New Husband
1. More than Hitler
2. Thiiiiiiiiiiis much
3. Like I hate when Daddy hits Mommy
4. Almost more than I hate her.

My Birthday is
1. September 21, 1991
2. December 2, 1982
3. Marchuary 37, 1911
4. January 2, 1985

Male B-List Celebrity That Most Often Appears on Collegehumor
1. Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding)
2. Bob Sagat (Full House)
3. Dustin Diamond (Screech)
4. Jerry Springer (douchebag)

Worst Name To Call Your Mom
1. Bitch
2. Skank
3. Whore
4. Nancy

Worst Name to be Called By Your Mom
1. Thurman
2. Wendel
3. Todd
4. Mistake

Song That Needs To Go Away
1. "Lean Back"
2. "This Love"
3. "Pieces of Me"
4. "Streeter Sings: Patriotic Songs For Our Time"

Crappiest Store
1. K-Mart
2. Wal-Mart
3. Ocean State Job Lot
4. Big C's Crack Cocaine Distributors ltd.

Best Cut of Steak
1. Prime Rib
2. Filet Mignon
3. London broil
4. I'm a big pussy and don't eat meat because it's cruel and I'm a crybaby.

Best Name For a Cool Guy in High School
1. Dylan Winters
2. Parker Hamilton
3. Hunter Gavin
4. Sonny "Skip" Scott

Funniest Movie Starring John Candy
1. "Uncle Buck"
2. "The Great Outdoors"
3. "Canadian Bacon"
4. "Trains, Planes and Automobiles"

Please email your votes to When all the votes are tallied, I'll announce the winners. Write-ins are welcome.