The Streety Awards II

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the voting for the second bi-monthly Streety Awards. The Streetys are decided by you, not some overpaid industry "expert" sitting around sipping mochas and lighting Cubans with his intern's hair. Also, the Streetys cover all manner of entertainment while ignoring such awards as "best digital sound editing" and "best use of duct tape on a soap opera set" so you get to the good stuff. Without further ado, here are your nominees for the second 2004 Streety Awards.

Who farted?
1. Oprah
2. Keenan
3. Cedric the Entertainer
4. The Dog

Funniest Political News Program
1. FOX News
2. The Daily Show
3. Hardball
4. Crossballs

Worst Nickname
1. Le Douche
2. Skidmark
3. Slutron 2000
4. Herp

Best New Sports Trend
1. Poker
2. Dodgeball
3. Volleyball
4. Metered Decathlon (Romanian Version)

Most Un-Funny Person Still Making Horrible Movies
1. Adam Sandler
2. Rob Schnieder
3. Jim Carey
4. Dana Carvey

Bets Formerly Funny TV Show That Has Overstayed Its Welcome
1. That 70s Show
2. The Simpsons
3. The Newlyweds (debatable, might not have been funny in the first place)
4. Saved By The Bell; The dead-end Career Years

Best Fake Breasts
1. Lindsey Lohan
2. Pamela Anderson
3. Jenna Jameson
4. Condoleezza Rice

Best Line For Getting A Freshman Girl To Go Home With You
1. "I live off campus."
2. "All the girls in my class are fat."
3. "I just got tested last week."
4. "Hi."

Best Chin
1. Ashlee Simpson
2. Jay Leno
3. Superman (cartoon version)
4. Michael Moore (has three)

Male Celebrity I Would Most Like To Fight
1. Ted Nudgent
2. That nerdy guy from "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids"
3. Fez From "That 70s Show."
4. Frankie Munitz

Best Celebrity Famous For No Reason
1. Paris Hilton
2. Nicky Hilton
3. Ebeneezer Hilton III
4. Wendell "'Chubs' Hilton

Funniest Movie of the Summer
1. "Napoleon Dynamite"
2. "Without a Paddle"
3. "Fahrenheit 9/11"
4. "Streeter Walks Into Screen Door" (Home Movie)

Best Way to Drink a Beer
1. Shotgun
2. Beerbong
4. Depressed, alone in your Mom's basement.

Most Essential Item For Freshmen
1. Condoms, Birth control pills
2. George Foreman Grill
3. School Hoodie
4. Dad's credit card

Preferred Brand of Toe-less Shoe
2. Birkenstock
4. K-Mart Red Light Special- Canvas Deck Flip Flop $3.99

Best Snack Cracker
1. Saltines
2. Toastables
3. Ritz
4. Wheat Thins

Worst Excuse For Missing Class
1. "I died"
2. "There was a really good song on the radio"
3. "I didn't buy the book."
4. "My house got stolen."

How Good at Football Were You in High School
1. State Champs, dude, all four years.
2. eh" I was more of a wrestler.
3. More interested in the cheerleaders
4. The bench has never been so warm.

Funniest Movie When You Were 9
1. "Beetlejuice"
2. "Home Alone 2; Lost in new York."
3. "Ghostbusters"
4. "Big"

Best Place Celebrities Go To Die
1. "The Surreal Life"
2. "Hollywood Squares"
3. "I Love The 80s/90s"
4. Thailand

The New Black is"
1. Brown
2. Pink
3. Mauve
4. your sister's boyfriend.

Please email your votes to When all the votes are tallied, I'll announce the winners. Write-ins are welcome.