I've been a smoker for three years. I've never touched a cigarette, but if you go to a college bar and breathe, you're a smoker.

A friend of mine only smokes when she sees her parents. Which would be fine if she didn't live with them.

Some people say they're social smokers because they only smoke in social situations. It's impressive that these people can find a pack a day worth of social situations.

I had one friend who said he wasn't a smoker because he never bought his own cigarettes. He never paid for lunch either but I never saw him go hungry.

I went into one of those walk-in freezer rooms at a grocery store with a friend of mine, and she wasn't cold at all. Then I realized that this is the same girl who wears pajamas outside in a snowstorm just to have a few puffs of a cigarette.

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