When you hookup with someone in a bar, you don't know how to treat them the next day, when you're not drunk. Sometimes, you totally snub them – walking right by without even smiling. But luckily, odds are you'll see them in a bar the next weekend and be able to apologize. "Look, I'm really sorry for my behavior yesterday. I must have been sober. I hope you understand I just wasn't myself."

I heard someone say, "boys will be boys." Good – otherwise, they'd have been named wrong.

Someone told me that they felt bad for a guy like Derek Jeter, since he'll never know if anyone likes him for him. I think, out of charity, I'll be him for a day – just to humble myself with such a difficult, troublesome, and frustrating problem. And to boff Mariah Carey.

My friends agreed that though they are in a serious relationship, they each get to pick one celebrity that, if the chance arose, they'd be allowed to hook up with. That could get dangerous when "celebrity" turns into "kid in my lit class."

I'd love to see honest college personal ads. "19-year-old sophomore seeks same for Saturday-night hookups and Sunday morning breakfast. Enjoys Cliffs Notes, Dave Matthews band, and long walks to the bar. Social smoker a must."

Like this column? Then buy the book!