Every campus has one fraternity that has a facebook party – where they look up all the hot girls and invite them over. And even sadder than the guys who are patting themselves on the back for coming up with the idea are the girls who actually show up. What these girls don't seem to realize is that "freshmen" and "fresh meat" are spelled very similarly.

There was one girl in my facebook whose head was obviously cut out of another picture and put in front of a plain background. My question is this: what horrible thing could she have possibly been standing in front of that she took all that trouble for a half-inch headshot?

No one knows what a facebook is until they get to school. So when your school asks you for a photo over the summer, you figure it's probably for their records. Then for the next four years, you're the guy who slept on his hair funny.

There is no interests section in the facebook. You know why? No one wants to flip through a book to find out which girls at their school play chess.

The problem with the facebook is that one day, it will ruin you. You'll meet a really hot girl in a bar, and you'll swear you remember her from somewhere. You exhaust all your classes, mutual friends, and extra-curriculars, until you finally realize that she's page 23, fourth column down, third picture from the left, whose photo you spent orientation week staring at and showing to all your friends. And how do you start a conversation with that?

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