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I bought my girlfriend (now ex) about 200 dollars worth of lingerie and undies from Victoria’s Secret for Christmas. Before I even got a chance to see her wear them, she broke up with me and 5 days later had a new boyfriend. I guess you’re welcome dude…

I found out the other day that my new phone's emoticons are slightly off. I had been choosing from the list of faces instead of typing them out, and it turns out that the one that looks shocked/worried on my phone is actually ":D" on other people's phones. This girl I've recently started dating must think I'm such an asshole because every time she's texted me about something sad, I've been grinning at her. She hasn't seen her dad in months! :D

My girlfriend thought i was nerd for knowing what a gamecube was.


I have been on a dry spell for over five months. I just wanna score 10 points for Gryffindor already. Maybe 20…

-Anonymous, U of A.

I was seeing a girl for about a month before we finally made our relationship official. She broke up with me two weeks later because she felt that we rushed too quickly into our relationship. The only thing that changed when we made our relationship official was our relationship status on Facebook. 

-Jarrod, USF

Before my girl and I started dating, I watched a lot of Attack of the Show and thought Olivia Munn was awesome.  So, I started to follow her blog and everything. When she did her non-nude photoshoot for playboy, I bought 3 copies, one for me, one for my brother, and one for a friend of mine and sent them in to be signed. Well it took a long time for the signed playboys to come back, and before they did, my girl and I begun to sleep together. Well she’s kind of insecure, and she hated that I followed Olivia Munn's blog so she made me stop. Then the playboys came in the mail, and she was furious, despite how I didn’t even open the envelope to look at mine. I had to tear the playboy in half and throw it away, then throw the trash in the dumpster to get her to stop yelling at me. Nowadays she tells me, "Oh you didn’t really have to do that". Ridiculous

I have been dating this girl for three years now so I decided to propose to her. I went to a candy store and bought an Easter basket with a hollow chocolate bunny inside. I thought it would be cute if I carefully unwrapped it, cut a hole at the bottom, put the (expensive) ring and a note saying "Will you marry me?" inside and then reseal it with some melted chocolate and re-wrap it all. It took me hours to put it all back together in what I thought looked seamless. She went home for that weekend so I left the basket in her apartment. That Monday after I saw her and she told me about how she found an Easter basket in her apartment without a name on it and it looked like the bunny had been tampered with and was worried that someone had put poison or razor blades inside. She said not to worry because immediately through it in the dumpster outside her apartment. Guess who spent the rest of his day knee deep in garbage.
-C. Morris, UCSB

In my third year of college my girlfriend of nearly two years and I decided to move-in together.  We got a storage unit to hold all of our extra stuff.  One day I needed something from storage and started rummaging through boxes.  I opened one of her boxes and found a bunch of old photo-printed pictures and love letters that I thought were from her high school days.  I looked at the pics and found some nude pics of her with two other guys at the same time.  The problem is, these pics were taken on "our" bed in "our" bedroom in "our" new apartment.  I confronted her and she tried to convince me that it was just a really similar bedroom from the past, which was the "inspiration" for how she decorated "our" new bedroom.  I threw her out and emailed the pictures of her threesome to her parents.

-Tim, San Francisco