Guy: Ok, as the firm that produces every Driver's Ed video ever made, we have a firm duty to these kids. We must educate them about car safety, in the hippest, coolest, and most relevant way ever!

Man: In 1988.

Guy: Yes. All of this will take place in 1988, for some reason.

Man: We should just have all the actors be really, really eager and excited in a way that's more than a little suspicious,

Guy: Right. And due to budget concerns, we are only getting actors willing to be paid in hard drugs.

Man: Which they will take immediately before we record.

Guy: Exactly. Because we want all our actors to be tripping balls in every Driver's Ed video ever.

Man: And we can write jokes that aren't really jokes, but all of them will just start fake-laughing a little harder than they should.

Guy: And that one guy in the back who comes to class high will just start laughing too because they are.

Man: Perfect.


Guy: But wait! We're going to be so fun-

Man: And hip!

Guy: -and hip, that kids might think that driving isn't a serious matter!


Man: Maybe…maybe one of them could make a joke. And then clarify seriously that driving is 'no laughing matter'.

Guy: Yes. Seamless transition.

Man: And everyone in the movie should be at least twenty-four, and one guy should be at least thirty. And they should be wearing weird bright clothes that no one has every really seen before.

Guy: Good, but it's important we make this real for teenagers. We need to get in their lives.

Man: Way ahead of you. There should be precisely four teenagers, a white guy, a black guy, a white girl, and an Asian or Latina girl. And the white kids will be dating, and so will the minorities.

Guy: Right. Because we're progressive, but hey, let's not get crazy here.

Man: Right. But how about the graphics?

Guy: I think we should put the graphics budget into the drug budget.

Man: Right. No one will notice that the graphics should repeat in a loop every ten seconds, so they're passing the exact same blue house. Or that the 'car' is made of cardboard.

Guy: Right the car the teens are in should clearly be fake.

Man: Yes. Because in every single Driver's Ed video ever, everything involving actually driving will be blatantly fake.

Guy: We can put that into the drug budget.

Man: Exactly. No one will notice. They'll be too captivated by the performance of our creepy, creepy actors.

Guy: Can we get make sure the actors are Amish outcasts on speed, given their overflowing drugged enthusiasm and them acting like they don't really know how cars work?

Man: Yes.


Guy: And the black and white guy should have a really long rap about 'no-zones'.

Man: No-zones?

Guy: They're like blind spots, except with a cutesy name, because that's what teens respect.

Man: So how would the rap song go?

Guy: Well, I don't really know what rap is, so I'm thinking they could just say words in a vague rhythm while they move uncomfortably to music which we'll add post production so they can't actually hear it.

Man: The lyrics will be "No zones! Stay out of the no zones!". Those are all of the lyrics.

Guy: Perfect. Just have them repeat that for, like, four minutes as their poorly animated heads float over poorly animated cars.

Man:We're saving lives, guy. We're saving lives.

Guy: Wait, do you not know my name?

Man: Shut up, guy.