College is awesome. It's the only place in the world where young adults can find beer and girls in the same place. Unfortunately, College does have its downfalls, they're called classes. Interestingly enough, the agony felt by classes can not be attributed to the endless amounts of homework and excessively difficult exams, but instead it roots from the event that your T.A. puts you through in the beginning of each semester, the "Ice-Breaker" activity. Ice-Breakers, "IB's" as we call them in the biz, contribute to 94% of all suicides in the United States. Why you ask? Because they blow. They are boring. They are useless. But most of all, they make that one guy talk way too long about what he did over spring break. Seriously, since when was Africa in need of volunteers? Anyways, this is why I have taken it upon myself to make a few new ice breakers of my own.

1. The Circle Game

Pick one student, tell him to state his name and one thing that makes him unique. Then, make him pick one person in the classroom. Ask the two to step into the circle. Watch them f*ck.

2. The Square Game

Choose a student. Make him say his name and an adjective that starts with the first letter of his name. For example, Jolly Jason. Next, make him choose someone else in the class. Direct them to the square. Watch them f*ck.

3. The Triangle Game

Pick two goofy-looking kids. Watch them f*ck.

4. The Half-Circle on top of Rectangle Game

F*ck someone in the class. Watch them watch you.

Well, hope this helps!